When we first enter the world of foster parenting, we are excited, enthusiastic, naive, willing and eager to meet the challenges that face us. We plunge into this endeavor with the expectations of making a better life for a child, and, sometimes a whole family. How many times throughout our foster parenting "career" do we hear the phrase "at risk children"? Do we ever hear "at risk foster parents"? No. If prospective foster parents knew the perils that lurched inside this crazy world of caring for abused and neglected children, would many continue the recruitment process? I wouldn't think so. Still, I wonder why so many foster parents stay in a field that can turn our world upside down at the whim of one person. I am talking about erroneous allegations. An allegation of any nature is devastating and hard to pull one's self back into the mainstream of everyday life. We are never the same after an accusation -- a little disappointed, frustrated, confused, embarrassed, hopefully much wiser and that proverbial wall gets a little higher. Accusations can happen to any of us at any time. The neighbor doesn't like foster children living next door to their "perfect" children; thinks it lowers property value. The foster child who thinks he/she will be sent back to live with their biological family if they convince the social worker the foster father has molested them or the foster mother hits them and deprives them of food. Vulnerability is a foster parent's middle name. We are always "at risk".

As foster parents we are held to a higher standard. Fair? No! Our constitutional rights ensure innocence until proven guilty. Does this apply to foster parents? Yes! Is it upheld? No! Even with a "unfounded" allegation, a foster parent can be secretly placed on a "no use" list and never receive placements again. Mary and Ken (fictitious names), married 38 years, foster parents 28 years with an exemplary record, assumed leadership roles, well known and well liked by both foster parents and the Department of Family Services. They cared for severely retarded children that no one else wanted. Ken fondled their 13 year old adopted (former foster) daughter. Father is now completely out of the home. The daughter admitted her mother had no way of knowing this happened. The judge ruled in the foster mother's behalf stated she was not to be held accountable for the actions of the foster father. Foster mother still lost her license because both names were listed on it. State refuses to reissue a license in her name only, evoking a policy requiring a two year waiting period for reapplication when revocation of license has occurred. Her life was turned asunder. She had to give up the only life she knew and worked so hard to achieve her many successes. The agency that entrusted her with hard to place children for 28 years, while removing children from her home (please remember the foster father has been legally banned from the home), treated her with disrespect, lent no support and shared no information with her. Her name went from Mary to Leper. How many times have we, as foster parents, seen molested children returned home only to be molested again? Many, many times! I am in no way condoning Ken's actions. Since he is no longer in the picture, why can't the foster mother resume caring for children? A higher standard! I would be disingenuous if I said I didn't understand the Department's stance. They can and have been sued by biological parents/childrens' advocates resulting in awards of millions of dollars when negligence has been proven.

There is no suit of armor to protect us from erroneous allegations. There are steps we can take to minimize our chances of accusal.

1. Familiarize yourself and your family with the state regulations that govern out-of-home-care in the state in which you reside. Abide by those rules!
2. Get as much information about the child before you accept placement.
   
   • Behavioral problems?
   • Emotional problems?
   • Medical attention needed?
   • How many prior foster homes has he/she been in?
   • Has he/she made allegations against previous care takers?
   • Ask to speak to the previous foster parent if coming from another foster home.
   • School performance?
   • Parental visitation?
3. Don't be afraid to say no to a placement that could put you at risk. Protecting your license ensures care needed to the majority of children. Overindulging our pride by thinking we can save every child is of no benefit to anyone and many times results in a serious allegation.
   Examples:
   • If you know the child being placed is sexually active/aggressive, don't take the child if you have children of the opposite sex. Do not make the mistake of thinking this applies only to teenagers....young children of both sexes act out sexually too. You especially don't want to leave a female alone with your husband or teenage son.
   • A child with many previous placements could and usually is the sign of a very difficult child. Ask to speak to the previous placements. If the worker will not give out their number, say no to the placement.
4. Documentation.
   • Take a few minutes each day to jot down in a SPIRAL notebook (one for each child) the events of that day, even if that day is the exact replica of the day before. The reason a spiral notebook is important is because the pages cannot be torn out without destroying the sequence of events. Jot down any change in behavior before and after a visit from a relative or social worker. Don't use your computer -- changes are too easy.
   • All appointments involving that child, i.e. doctor, I.E.P., social worker visit, parent visits.
   • Medical records
   • Have a visitors sign-in sheet. Many times a biological parent will claim a foster parent won't let them visit their child. A dated list with their signature on it would have to be believed!!
   • Pictures - a Polaroid camera is a great investment. If you have a child that visits mom and dad on weekends, you may want to take a before and after picture (date).
5. Common Sense. A foster mother left her small children locked in the car for "just a few minutes" to pay a bill. When she came out of the store, her car was surrounded by police breaking her car window to free the frightened, but unharmed, children. A foster parent who does not use appropriate judgment could lose their license, their foster children and also face criminal charges. And what does it do to these children to be uprooted from a familiar environment and placed in yet another new foster home?! A foster child shouldn't have to pay for a foster parents lack of common sense or error in judgment.
6. Know your child's social worker well and let them know you. In small towns that shouldn't be a problem. In big cities it might take more of an effort.
7. Have written house rules with copies to each new placement and each child's social worker. If there is to be a conflict with house rules, better to know about it before the child is left in your care than to let it escalate into an allegation.
8. Networking & support groups. Foster parent associations are excellent vehicles for disseminating information. If you don't have one in your area -- start one.